Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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