god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.