I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT