Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

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(319): View more from Iowa

Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

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(518): View more from New York

I can feel the alcohol in my calves

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(740): View more from Ohio

besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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(410): View more from Maryland

you texted me "dude im face"

(301): View more from Maryland

it sounded so right at the time

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.

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