The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit