also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi