apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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