meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am puke
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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