Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
