So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
