i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
