Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
