I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
