You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
