I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
