WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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