My cat gives me a boner
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
