im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
