It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
