how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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