last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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