so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
