Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
