There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
