Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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