So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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