I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
