As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Four minutes until I can fart!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
