it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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