I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
