You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
