Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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