But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
