i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
