Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how drunk are you?
Several
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
