You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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