Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
