Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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