I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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