Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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