did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
