What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
