my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
