It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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