census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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