just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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