so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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