all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
