I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
