There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
