exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
