her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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