I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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