First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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