p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
