how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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