Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
