I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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