Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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