Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
