This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
