hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
