gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
