How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
