its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You may now shotgun with the bride
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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