I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
