sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
