i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize