So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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