wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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