There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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