I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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