I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
