This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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