he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
