I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
