i think my mom watched the whole time
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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