I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
