I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're too hungover to prance.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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