One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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