jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize