hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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